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13 August 2008

This is why I love Jack and Karen! And why TV Junkies will love 'em, too!

These chicks speak my language!!! Here are transcripts and scenes from the episode No Sex And The City on Will and Grace.

[KAREN IS STANDING AT THE WATER COOLER LOOKING AT HER WATCH WHEN JACK ENTERS FROM THE ELEVATOR.]

KAREN: Oh, honey, where have you been? I've been waiting here at the water cooler for us to have our water cooler chat.
JACK: So did you start talking about "Sex and the City" yet?
KAREN: We just started. Oh. Honey, I am so glad that Carrie ended up with Big instead of that 70-year-old ballerina.
JACK: I know. [SIGHS] And when she walked into that coffee shop at the end and the other girl started screaming, I'm not ashamed to say I was crying like a little girl. Well, of course, I was piercing my ears too.
KAREN: [SIGHS] Oh, honey, I'm gonna miss my "Sex and the City"
JACK: Oh. Me too, Karen.
KAREN: But at least I've still got my "Frasier" and my "Friends."
JACK: Well, wait, didn't you hear? "Frasier" and "Friends" are going off the air too.
[KAREN HAULS BACK AND SLAPS JACK ACROSS THE FACE--HARD.]
KAREN: Don't tell me that, Jackie! Not now. Not today.
JACK: Believe me, Karen, I know. It's tragic.
[KAREN SIGHS.]
JACK: I went through some of the biggest changes of my life with those shows. Cargo pants came in, went out, came back in again.
[KAREN NODS.]
JACK: I don't know whether they're in or out, but I bought 32 pairs of them with Will's money so I'm gonna wear 'em.
KAREN: You wanna talk about changes? I went through perhaps the most important milestone of my life: the tiny knapsack.
JACK: Oh, the tiny knapsack. How could a knapsack so tiny hold all my dreams?
KAREN: Oh, Jackie, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna talk about around this water cooler every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning?
JACK: I don't know, Karen. I mean, you hear about when other people lose their shows, but you never think it's gonna happen to you. It makes me sick to think how cruel I was to my own mother when "Barnaby Jones" got cancelled.
KAREN: [SIGHS] You know, when Stan died, I knew just what to do. A few months later, I simply got engaged to someone else. But this is different, Jackie. This is television.
JACK: But, Karen, don't you see? We just have to find a new show. Something that combines the gay sensibility of "Sex and the City," the gay sensibility of "Frasier," and the gay sensibility of "Friends."
KAREN: [GASPS] Oh, honey, you mean like "Magnum, P.I."?
JACK: No, Karen. That show got cancelled years ago.
[KAREN HAULS BACK AND SLAPS JACK ACROSS THE FACE.]



KAREN: [SCOFFS] It's hopeless, Jackie. TV is over!
[KAREN AND JACK STAND UP AND WALK TO THE KITCHEN TO GET A DRINK.]
JACK: Pfff. You're right. There's never gonna be shows like that again. There's never gonna be a funky barka lounger in an immaculate Seattle living room with two brothers, one fussier than the next.
KAREN: Or six friends living together. [IMITATING CHANDLER BING] Could a show be any funnier?
JACK: Or four women sitting around drinking cosmos talking about penises and penis-hers.
KAREN: Jackie, I think you're forgetting about the fifth woman, a lady I like to call Manhattan.
JACK: So what are we gonna do, Karen? [SIGHS] I guess we'll just have to find something else to talk about.
KAREN: Hey. You know, we could go out and have life experiences of our own, then get together later and discuss them. You know, like the people on TV do.
JACK: Right. That's good, Karen. I'll meet you at Central Perk in an hour.
KAREN: Jack, that place is fictitious.
JACK: Okay, two hours.

Watch the actual scenes:

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